10: The People of Walmart (last week: nr)
Not the website, my mind you. The People of Walmart is one of the internets' more entertaining sites, even if it's a bit appalling. No, I'm raging against the people who run Walmart - For their decision to ban single-use plastic bags (a good thing) without providing a system to reuse the bags they've replaced them with. Now Walmart shoppers are drowning in "reusable" bags. On top of that, apparently, we have to reuse the damned things at least 7100 times before we break even, environmentally speaking, which is already depressing as hell, and I just don't want to have to think about it anymore.
9: Dead Popes (last week: n/a)
Maybe I have no business beating up on Joseph Ratzinger, the freshly dead pope who was buried last week, but his passing and subsequent funeral generated a lot of articles on the internets that reminded us about the truly awful things that the Catholic Church has allowed to happen to its faithful flock over the centuries. Pope Ben had the chance to stop a lot of those bad things, but his inaction stopped very few of them. It's all given me a bad case of Catholic fatigue, and I just want all those dead popes to go away.
8: Harry The Entire Royal Family (last week: 9)
This Royal Family drama thing is simply becoming too nauseating. Harry writes a tell-all book because he must, because his family has been saying mean things about him, but he wants them back anyway, and his solution to fix everything is to air all their dirty laundry in public. And now he's managed to piss off a lot of people who used to admire him, and I really wish that they'd all just sit down and shut the fuck up.
7: Wagner Group Guy (last week: nr)
His name is Yevgeny Prigozhin, and he's the murderous monster who leads Russia's mercenary Wagner Group. Unfortunately, this week the internets showed me too many links about some of the horrific atrocities that his Wagner Group forces have committed, and that's got him on my list. I'm not gonna link to any of that crap because trust me, you don't wanna see any of it.
6: Slimy Santos (last week: 5)
Watching Santos slither through the halls of Congress this past week wasn't nearly as entertaining as I thought it might be. He's just too pathetic. But I did like it when some fun-loving Democrat called out Mr. Mentiroso.
5: The Lake Lady (last week: 4)
This bitch has become next-level nauseating, especially now that she's referring to herself as the "duly elected governor of Arizona." She's only fooling the fools who still support her. The rest of us know that this isn't about what's best for Arizona, like she claims. It's all about her giant ego.
4: Kids with Guns (last week: nr)
Guns don't kill people. Six-year-olds with guns kill people. Or at least they try to. The Second Amendment has made a terrible mess of 'Murrica, and I for one am sick of it. Gun violence has killed or ruined the lives of too many of my friends. Thankfully, it appears as though the teacher who the six-year-old shot is improving. But I can't handle much more of this shit. Can you?
3: BxK Killers (last week: nr)
There's no way that the name Bryan Kohberger (middle name Christopher) is gonna disappear from my internets anytime soon, even though I wish that it would. The whole thing is just too horrific, and creepy, and sad. And now, it seems, there's a weird connection between BCK and a serial killer who called himself BTK. Back in 2005, the BTK psycho committed a string of horrific murders in Kansas, and one of Kohberger's professors studied the case and wrote a book about it. The BTK guy was put away for life long ago, and I'd forgotten about him until now. I want to forget about him again, and I want all of them to disappear into the Black Hole of Calcutta.
2: Vlad the Putin (last week: 2)
He'll probably stay in this spot until all the Orcs are expelled from Ukraine. Or until some brave members of his security detail put a bag over his head, lock him in a cage, and deliver him to Maidan Square in Kyiv with a note written in Ukrainian that says, "Merry Christmas." That's my current favorite daydream, anyway.
1: The Fat Orange Man (last week: 1)
There's little chance that he'll be dethroned from the top spot on this list anytime soon, sigh. Especially now, since we just saw firsthand how dangerously contagious El Rotundo's special brand of bullshit really is.
Off the list (for now): People on Twitter Making Fun of David Byrne (last week 10; probably gone for good unless David decides to dance with Miley Cyrus again); AlphaBro (last week 8; he'll probably be back if the Romanians ever let hin out of jail); All the Republicans on the Clown Bus (last week 6,7; watching them perform during the DC Shit Show was simply too entertaining, and it produced perhaps the best Tweet of the decade. You gotta watch it.); The Chief Twit (last week 3) was unusually quiet last week. But he'll be back, just as sure as Tesla stock will continue to tank.
As mentioned in the disclaimer, my internets may not be the same as your internets. If you wanna nominate somebody not seen here, please lemme know in the comments and I'll take the matter under advisement. See you next time.
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