"You can't always get what you want..." - Mick Jagger
Left: Former US President George W. Bush, connecting to the internets circa 2001.
Disclaimer: My internets may not be the same as your internets.
10: People Making Fun of David Byrne on Twitter
They simply have no business being on the internets. At all. Go get a life, people. A Wild, Wild Life.
9: Harry and the Megs
I feel sorry for Meghan Markle, really I do, for the misogynist and racist crap that she's had to put up with. And ever since she first set foot in Buckingham Palace, far too many creepy old men have been saying far too many creepy things about her. Nevertheless, she and Harry seem to be making some pretty good coin by exploiting their connections to the House of Windsor, even though they no longer want to have anything to do with it. Instead of sitting down with Oprah and showing up on Netflix, wouldn't it be better if they just sat down and shut up? Keep a low profile? Maybe grab a couple of Habitat for Humanity hammers and pick up where Jimmy Carter left off?
8: AlphaBro
Until a week or so ago, I'd never heard of Andrew Tate. (I'm too old for TikTok but too young to die.) I still wish that I'd never heard of him, even though his dustup with Greta Thunberg was highly entertaining, and provided us with one of the most popular tweetorts of all time. The problem is, this dude is a misogynist creep and a criminal, and I hope that the Romanian police keep him in custody indefinitely, so that I can get him off my internets once and for all.
7: Low Rent Boobert
546 votes. That's how close Adam Frisch came to sending the MAGA Moron back to her trailer park. He almost pulled it off - even in a wingnutty district that was made wingnuttier by post-2020 gerrymandering. As a result, The Boobs will probably live somewhere on this list for at least a coupla years. That's the bad news. The good news is that Adam has already filed for a 2024 rematch. If you only follow one link on the internets today, please make it this one.
6: Marginally Taylored Greed
I fully expect the Neanderthal Nazi to remain on this list for a very long time, sigh. Most likely, she'll even move up a few spots in the coming weeks. Do you think that she'll ever manage to tweet a grammatically correct sentence? Me neither.
5: Slimy Santos
Something tells me that I'm gonna get my wish with this guy. The money trail has a really foul odor, and now that the bloodhounds are on it, it'll probably lead a certain Anthony Devolder straight to the hoosgow.
4: The Lake Lady
I had her at number 10, but then she tweeted - OMFG - that pic of herself as Superwoman so I had to bump her up a few spots. Clearly this bitch has the biggest ego west of the Mississippi River. The Fat Orange Man owns the East of the Mississippi title of course, and when the two of them get together at Mar a Lago it's a miracle that the place doesn't explode. Fortunately, it appears as though Super Lake's 15 minutes of infamy are about up, so I expect that she'll fall off this list sometime soon. Unless, of course, she winds up on Fox News next to Tulsi Gabbard.
3: The Chief Twit
Please, dear God, let this emotionally challenged six-year-old lose another $200 billion in 2023. Maybe then, he really will disappear.
2: Vlad the Putin
While I've got your attention, dear God, please let the rumors that Vlad has thyroid cancer be true. And please let it metastasize into his gonads. It isn't often that I wish someone a miserable death, but this man is pure evil.
1: The Fat Orange Man
He's occupied the top spot in my brain ever since I started this list as a mental exercise a few months back. He's been living rent free in too many brains since at least 2015. I can't see any of that changing anytime soon, sigh. My worst nightmare is that I'll be lying on my death bed, trying to think pleasant thoughts, but instead I'll be thinking about him.
Waiting in the wings: Kevin Mc Smarmy, Rapey McForehead; Everyone else on the Republican Clown Bus; Dead Popes; Proud Boys; Oath Keepers; Ye, if he ever comes out of hiding.
As mentioned in the disclaimer, my internets may not be the same as your internets. Somebody should probably draw a Venn Diagram. If you wanna nominate somebody not seen here, please lemme know in the comments and I'll take the matter under advisement. My New Year's resolution is to update this list every Sunday. That's probably gonna last as long as your new gym membership, but hey, I'm gonna give it a shot. See you next time.
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